My baby is five months old now and it is apparent to me that our sleeping/napping arrangements are not working for my family. Well, let me rephrase. Ben is fine. Blair and I are not sleeping well, day or night. I am sending this out into the void - "calling all mothers/nannies/whoever(!)" - tell me your favorite baby sleep books. And tell me why. Feel free to elaborate.
I'm currently reading "The No-Cry Sleep Solution". It sheds a ghastly light on the emotional state of babies who are left to cry it out. I think it's probably an exaggeration but for a first-time mom it scared the mess out of me. The method proscribed will take time and patience. We'll see if I can make it.
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well, my first time around with dean was difficult, until about 5 months when my sister in law, marie, literally came over and held my hand through letting him cry. only for 5 minutes at first... and then up to 10 minutes. i couldn't bear to hear him cry. but, you know what, after she helped me that first day, it got easier, not that i ever really like hearing my kids cry. eventually he learned to sleep on his own, and has been a champ since. we did the same with addie, and have been so happy! she's a pro, smiling and waving goodbye when we leave her room. i truly don't believe that allowing a baby to cry it out for 5-15 minutes before going in to comfort them (without picking them up) will harm them. we've had great results! i'd never let them cry for hours on end, but a few minutes won't hurt. it's sad, yes, but you're doing her a huge favor by teaching her how to self soothe and learn to get a great nights sleep, not to mention doing yourself a huge favor in the meantime. you've got to be at your best too, in order to be the ideal mom. maybe have a friend who's done the same thing with her baby come over to be your support, because that really does help. having someone there to remind you that you'll both be fine is such a comfort.
ReplyDeletegood luck lauren!
i'm all about babywise.
ReplyDeletemy kids are champion sleepers-haven since 5 weeks old! it works. i think babies who are left to cry end up stopping and figure out how to self-soothe. and i think babies who are never allowed to cry end up sleeping in your bed when they're five. and do you want that? :)
usually if you can plan a weekend (this is the case with all changes) and expect to deal with the crying, it's all over from there. my kids never cried very long before they just gave up and went to sleep. after about three days they give up altogether and look forward to sleep. haven would pretty much beg to go to bed. and use a binki. my kids also loved their ocean wonder's aquariums with soft lights and music. they'd fall asleep by the time it was done playing. and they learned to turn it on again if they woke up in the night, which meant they didn't wake me up or cry!
good luck!
ok, so i am a sleep nazi. healthy sleep habits happy child is my sleep bible. i did everything to a tee from the very beginning and i never had to let him cry it out. if i did, it was not for very long and usually just to get him back on track after being sick, or travels, etc. but he did it all himself, i believe because he was well rested from day one. since blair is 5 mo you will prob have to let her CIO. how you do it and how long you let her cry is up to you. you really have to do what you are comfortable with. although i will say that i honestly don't believe that letting your child cry will damage them. especially when you are home with her all day and are clearly very present in her life, i doubt she is going to feel abandoned or whatever. i always think my kids will hate me for letting them CIO, but they always wake up all smiles. i truly believe that sleep is one of the most important things for babies/kids. i see such a huge difference in my kids when they are well rested. and it is important for you to be well rested too. if you have a child that won't sleep because you won't let them cry, then you are doing them just as much of a dis-service, if not more, than letting them cry. i know it is so hard, but trust me, everyone will be SO much happier. and it doesn't take too long. you will probably just have a few hard days. my kids have all been great sleepers because of this book. my SIL once even said to me, worried, "do you think asher is sleeping too much?" my FIL has assured me that there is no such thing as too much sleep for a baby as that is when their brains develop. i am always amazed at how much my kids sleep, when i just listen and watch for their tired ques and set the schedule based on them and their needs. for awhile, asher couldn't even make it to 2 hours of awake time, which was kind of annoying and hard to get things done out of the house, but it was worth it.i will say, that there was a point for me with my first baby, when i was getting so anxious and obsessed with his sleep, that it was becoming negative. there is definitely a place for being relaxed and just going with the flow... just not everyday. but when i learned to relax and realized that asher wasn't going break or die if i let him miss a nap, it was a good thing. books and guidelines are always a good thing, but sometimes you just need to throw everything you've read out the window and just do what feels right in the moment. it will help keep you sane, and help you enjoy the process much more. :)
ReplyDeleteanyway... sorry, i can go on forever with this subject. and you said to elaborate ;) the book stresses not letting them get overtired,putting them down drowsy but awake so they can learn how to self-soothe, and early bedtimes, and more! :)
unfortunately, sleep issues are an ongoing thing. they go through phases at every age, and you kind of just have to work through them as they come and find what works . but the book is such a great base and philosophy of sleep needs in general. sorry this is so long. but good luck and let me know if you want to know anymore info about it.
I definately had the same problem as you, I think most mom's do. I was a wreck because I need my sleep. I really like the book healthy sleeping happy baby (http://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp/0449004023) I really like this book because it gives you a few different options and gives you advice for all ages, so this book you can have till your kids are older (5). I think the most important thing I learned when morgan was little was, she only needs to be up for 2 hours before she needs to go down again, and if I let her stay up she wouldn't get to sleep and then she would be cranky. Also I personally think letting them cry it out is a really good option, when morgan realized she had to sleep when I put her down, it worked wonders, but I would be crying outside her door really really really wanting to pick her up, but it only took a few days and I was happier and MORGAN was always fun, if she didn't sleep she would always be crying. Good luck with this, it is the hardest part of being a parent.
ReplyDeletebut you will love her so much, that I don't think letting her cry it out would hurt her at all, (it would probably help since happy mommy means good mommy)
most of what I think was best came from healthy sleep habits, happy child + some good tips came from babywise. crying it out is NOT a bad thing, it actually happened a couple times without me even realizing it (drew did, when he came home) and that was how we ended up with a baby who sleeps most of the night (usually 9 hours at a time is his max, but its still good for me). Also, from babywise, keeping a sleep log (what times she slept for, and then totaling the number of hours) will help keep you (and her!) on track so you can see patterns and know what to expect. I've been doing it since we brought dustin home fromt he hospital and we still do it out of habit, so we know what to expect and how to plan around the sleeping. babies really are predictable little creatures...most of the time :) good luck with little blair! shes gorgeous!
ReplyDeleteGeeze I just wrote some long comment and then lost it- grrrr.
ReplyDeleteMy mom let me cry it out and I think I am emotionally stable ;-)
The only book I ever read was Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child and I thought it had a lot of good sleep advice. I also know that good day rest means good night rest when it comes to babies. Are you still taking her to work with you? Might be time to hire a nanny or something so she can be sure to get her naps, in her crib. Totally worth it my friend!
not sure if you're gonna like this comment if you don't want to let her cry it out, but it has saved my sanity and i've been able to train both my babies this way. i use babywise and am all about the schedule. all it takes is a week of letting them cry (no longer than 20-30 minutes, which can seem like an eternity to a mama) at night and then they learn how to soothe themselves and BOTH baby and mom are happier. think of it this way...you are giving them the gift of sleep. and even though they have to cry and learn how to do it on their own, they are MUCH happier once they start sleeping better. and so am i. it is such a hard week to get through, but totally worth it. as for naps, i keep that on a schedule too, but i didn't let them cry it out for naps more than like 2-5 minutes. night time is what i really cared about as far as training. i would go in and try to soothe, give a paci, hold them for a while, etc. then go back out. that was easier to deal with for me. GOOD LUCK!!!
ReplyDeleteWOW- these are some long comments! after i post this, i'm going to read over them since i now have baby #2, who is a year old, sleeping TERRIBLY! it's payback for having such a good first baby...by comparison at least! i am all about babywise. you don't even have to follow it to a T....just the basics make total sense. eat, play, sleep. needing to eat to sleep is a bad cycle to be in. and my dr. told me that around 6 months, babies are okay to cry it out. before that, they are still emotionally unequipped or something. but- to each his (her) own, of course! GOOD LUCK! sleep is priceless. :)
ReplyDeletePS- there is a mom with a blog geared towards babywise that i looked at a lot when i was working through the kinks with olivia...you can kind of search around for the particular questions you might have.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.babywisemom.com/
LET YOUR CHILD CRY! I cannot say this enough. To be fair, both of my boys are good sleepers, and I didn't do much to deserve it. Thomas started sleeping 12 hours a night at 3 months, and Charlie started it at about 2.5 months. But, on nights when Charlie (now 4 months old) decides he doesn't want to go to sleep, I just let him cry (same with naps). He's cried 1.5 hours at night and probably 30 minutes for a nap. 95% of the time he takes 2 2hour naps/day and sleeps 12 hours at night (unless we are not at home in which case it is all messed up and I just go with the flow). And I did the same for my now 2 year old and he is happy and well adjusted and has no trust issues that I can see. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI realized I didn't answer the question: I read Babywise and Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Baby. They both have great, useful points. I incorporated things from both, but on Babywise I definitely modified it (I'm not as strict as the book suggests you should be). I don't wake my kids up from naps unless I absolutely have to, whereas Babywise says to only let them nap for a certain amount of time. It's probably useful to be strict until you have a schedule established, but after that, let a sleeping baby sleep I say. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteAS a first time parent as well, I have been reading the Babywise books. So far the concepts have worked for us. Drew is doing well with his sleeping and eating, but we are only 3 months into life with the little guy. Here is a link to the first book, there is a second book that I believe address 5 months to 12 months. http://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Baby-Wise-Reference-Worldwide/dp/0971453209
ReplyDeleteUmmm...call me a bad mom, but I think that letting your baby cry it out is the solution. Jack was an awful sleeper at first. We didn't do anything about it until he was 9 months old. He cried for an hour and a half the first night we let him cry. I hated it. But after that, he slept through the night every night after. After that experience with Jack, we started WAY sooner with the other kids. Luke and Kate both sleep through the night. We started at 2 weeks old with them-and they only had to cry a couple of minutes before they learned that I wasn't coming in to save them. Maybe give it a try. You may have to leave the house, and let Ben listen to the crying--but by the time you get home, the babe should be sound asleep. :) Good luck.
ReplyDeleteI go with the stay by the bed and move a little further every 3rd day routine with my kids. It worked for us and was not as painful as the above mentioned methods, but that doesn't mean its right for you. My philosphy is: what is your gut telling you to do, usually thats the right answer. You will also be able to tell the difference between a mom I need you cry vs a mom I want you cry. Then you decide how you want to respond to each one and stick to it, be consistent. Also regarding the book Babywise, there has been a warning put out by the American Academy of Pediatrics linking the techniques in this book with failure to thrive and dehydration in babies. Welcome to Motherhood!
ReplyDelete